The last few days I spent arguing with my ex boyfriend, where he let his pain speak for him. The sad part, he said things that made me cry. To a friend I described it as crying my eyes out until my heart was empty.
It reminded me that even though we didn't talk for three weeks, he is still hurting imensily. I pushed my hurt to the back of my mind. He refuses to admit that I could possibly hurt, because I was the one who broke it off. Either way, I hurt too. I miss him, I do. I just know logically that he and I are a terrible combination and we both need different.
I miss kissing the most. Kissing is my favorite. I miss seeing him after he worked a morning shift, and I worked a night shift, the way we would hold each other was like the world had ended for half a day. We needed each other like crazy, and it was nice to be needed. I mean, when he was actually expressing to me that he needed me.
I miss date night, that was the one night a week we would go out to dinner and just hang out. It was a nice break from doing absolutely nothing the rest of the week.
He said that two of our mutual friends think that I am a downer, and when I am not being depressing all I talk about is sex. Ha! I'm pretty sure that is all I ever talked about with them. It doesn't really make me feel all that good to know that, but at least I know.
I have been spending a lot of time with MY friends. MY people. I didn't realize how much I had missed them from the year I spent away, until the other day. I really love them. They are more than friends they are family. I have known them since I was in fifth grade I think. My sister is best friends with one of them, and she has been since fourth grade for her, which was seventh for me. Though the oldest son and I have been freinds much longer.
I have been getting out much more. With my trusty headphones, and awesome patched jacket. (Will post pics later). I have been wandering the streets around my apartment, going pretty far. Last night I wandered for a little over an hour. It felt good. My legs hurt a little, and my ab muscles hurt from clenching them all the walk, but its nice to feel alive.
Anyways, I have to go so that I can do my homework. I really intend on posting again sooner than I have been.
